Week 2

 This week in class we discussed family systems, the roles in the family, and how the relationship between husband and wife affected those roles and the overall family dynamic. 

Family Systems and Roles: 

    A family system refers to the role each member of the family plays in the family, those ranging from solid roles such as provider and nurturer, so more malleable ones, such as peace maker, or the joker of the family. These roles are subject to change, but more often than not once we are in them that's where we stay.  As for how these roles are established, it was discussed that individuals strived to fill a need they felt was being missed, a peacemaker for example will go to lengths to keep everyone in the home happy and calm, a jokester might do the same by relieving tension and bringing comedy to the mix, a provider sees the overall needs of the family (usually monetary) and strives to meet them, a nurturer sees the needs of individuals and the home and fulfils them to keep order. In lecture we discussed the case of an individual who as a child got into bigger areas of trouble because he noticed that there was less fighting in the home if the frustration was directed at him, so he kept getting into deep trouble so his family could get along. His role would be along the lines of a peacemaker despite his actions being harmful to himself. As we discussed roles, we were told to consider our own roles and why we ended up taking them. As I pondered this, I thought about the times I'd go home for off-tracks or holidays and what role I would be put back into. My role growing up and my expected role still is very much to sit quietly and do as I'm told, obedient and reliable if you will. This was fine as I grew up, I didn't know anything else and it kept anger and frustration from being direct ed at me on many occasions. As I have been on my own however, my confidence and independence has grown significantly from when I was a child, it makes going home and fitting into that role a lot harder. I'm still expected to be where I was at newly eighteen rather than the nineteen going on twenty year old I am now. I have opinions, I have boundaries, I have also found that those are not welcomed as behaviors they should expect from me because I was an "easy child" and wanted to be as little of a burden as possible. I think changes in roles are hard to accept because it means the dynamic shifts ever so slightly. Things are thrown off balance for a bit as people adjust, and that is uncomfortable. People don't usually want to have to readjust the way they feel comfortable treating someone, especially when you've treated and interacted with someone in one way for such a long time. I think this requires a lot of communication and understanding from both the changed party and those still well adjusted to the previous family system. A willingness to understand and readjust makes a big difference in how the family will feel during and after the change. 

The Relationship Between Husband and Wife: 

    As we discussed the role children would take in the home, along with it came the why. The need to fulfill what wasn't being met. Often times more problems came up or children felt a greater responsibility or role to take on when mom and dad were having troubles or weren't close. Brother Williams described the ideal family dynamic being that of a close mother and father with a relationship that is closer and separate from their children in which they are visibly warm and loving, allowing their children to see that all is well and prevent tension in and between all involved children. I thought it was odd at first that children should be outside the spousal relationship, but understood as the discussion continued that it didn't mean they had no relationship with mom and dad, but that it was just a separate relationship. It made more sense as Brother Williams described families in which one parent, usually the mother, was overly involved in their child's life. often this resulted in high anxiety in the child and one parent being pushed out of a relationship with the child. You can't forget your spouse when caring for your kids, mother and father and meant to be one unit working together to fulfil the needs of the family as a whole and for their children individually. You need to be mindful of how your children see the relationship between you and your spouse, it can make all the difference in the feelings and actions that occur in their lives. If there is a problem in the family, it is the family that is best suited to take care of it, once again that takes patience, communication, understanding, and love from all parties involved, the parents especially as children are learning and developing.