Week 5

 This week's discussion was on preparing for marriage. 

 Dating Differences 

    The most prominent part of class discussion this week was on dating, how it's define, and how it has changed over time. Modern dating has a much greater focus on "hanging out" whereas previous means to dating were more intentional. We discussed that what matters in dating today is: propinquity, or the access one has to someone and appearance for assumptions and judgement. Another aspect to modern dating is the distance between individuals, especially as they are growing up. We have the opportunity, especially on this campus, to meet people from all over the world which is incredible, but it also means you know less about the individuals you date. Older means of dating resulted in people from the same towns and cities dating, meaning there was a lot more information on someone and their behavior from various sources in the area. Living in a close proximity allowed much more time to get to know someone, allowed shared experiences, caused a more shared economic status, shared schools, shared friends, and a shared culture. 

Cohabitation

    Modern dating uses cohabitation to try and make up for that lost time and to act as a trial before marriage to see if two individuals are compatible. Cohabitation has been dubbed the best way to prepare for divorce, couples who cohabit are three times more likely to divorce than couples that get married before living together. It creates limited commitment and many physical benefits despite it. The lack of commitment means all the little things will cause one or both individuals to leave rather than stay and try and work through issues together or learn to love some of the quirks of their spouse. No commitment results in less effort put into making the relationship work. Cohabiting as a pre-marriage trial of compatibility also results in individuals looking for flaws and reasons to leave their partner instead of trying to find reasons to stay. In living with another person, it also takes away from some of the actions and benefits that should come with marriage. Cohabiting doesn't cause individuals to share everything, such as bank, debt, insurance, and other things of that sort as being married would cause. Couples live more as roommates than they do as a couple. If a couple gets married, these rules and habits are already set in place and they are less likely to readjust to sharing everything. It's also been observed that women are hoping for marriage to come where men are already getting what they want through physical benefits. 

What is Dating? 

       Once again, dating today consists of hanging out and committing to one person until you no longer like them, date them til' you hate them if you will. It is advised that individuals don't date exclusively until they are ready to be married. Dating exclusively causes people to get attached, especially as individuals get more physically close to each other. It's also advised that you don't spend so much time with someone that you don't have time to be individuals or there will be the same rate of divorce as would occur in cohabiting individuals. The best advice is to stop hanging out and to go back to real dating. 

    This begs the question, "what is a date?" A date is defined as something that is planned, paired off, and paid for. Planning, pairing, and paying done by the man in the situation so they can prepare to protect, provide, and preside and show the woman they are taking on a date that they are capable of doing so. Going on dates and not hanging around constantly allows for time to be separate while dating and getting to know each other before becoming one in purpose in which everything will be shared in marriage. Dating is about putting forth effort, not only on one individual but on both, especially as the relationship continues. 

Why Date? 

    So, why should you change your dating habits? well, going on dates allows for the opportunity for individuals to practice building something, address changes and individual needs to make in themselves, find out what one can and cannot tolerate, setting time apart to be emotionally bonded, and to see how someone acts in various situations. All of those things are so important to see and understand, especially when it comes to finding a companion in marriage. 

Marriage

    The stages of a relationship that lead to marriage are, dating (seeing a variety of people), courtship (exclusive, not looking at anyone else), engagement (commitment to be married), and marriage. This begs the question of how to know who you are going to marry, the answer can be given by the "know quo," which is togetherness (shared experiences) + talk (mutual self-disclosures) + time (3 months to even begin to know..) = knowing one another and each other as a couple. It is also important to consult the Lord and receive revelation through every step of the process, not asking "is this who I am going to marry," but asking more specific questions. Bring your plans and your thoughts to the Lord, He will guide you from there.

    The never failing formula for marital status is 1.) careful selection based on important values, 2.) great unselfishness; forgetting self, 3.) continued courtship and expressions of affection, 4.) complete and remain faithful to living commandments.

    I think it is so important to keep the Lord in this process, He knows all things and He can guide you to find those things and those individuals that will bring you the most joy in this life and in the next.