Week 9

 This week's discussion was on communication, decision making, and problem solving.  

Problems of Communication

    As human beings, we communicate using words, tone, and non-verbal means. About 14% of our communication involves words, 36% involves tone, and 51% is based on non-verbal ques. In today's society it is normal to text rather than call or meet with someone in person, this has hurt human communication significantly and leads to many misunderstandings as it cuts out two important portions of our ability to communicate and leaves us with the one that is the most difficult to interpret on it's own. When you speak with someone in person, you can hear their tone and see how they are standing or fidgeting based on the discussion, you can't see that in a text. Calling is better, as you can hear words and tone, but you can't see how someone is really feeling or reacting to what is being said without non-verbal ques.

    There are also corrupt forms of communication, those being sarcasm, lying to avoid conflict, stonewalling (quit talking), cursing, exaggeration (you always..), manipulation of words, and ill intent.  

5 Secrets of communication

    The five secrets of communication are the best means to have a discussion about something confrontational without resulting in anger and fallout. They don't need to be used in order, but do need to be used correctly. 

 1. Disarming technique: find and state the kernel of truth in a given statement, usually a complaint. By acknowledging and stating the truth in a complaint kindly and respectfully, the individual taking issue will be soothed and contentions will be lessened or non-existent. This one is difficult, because when we are faced with confrontation, our first instinct is to defend ourselves, which will only prove the complaint. When you start looking for the kernels of truth, you will no longer feel defensive and can take manual control of your brain to communicate calmly & clearly.

2. Empathy: repeat their thoughts with the same feeling they are giving (not anger) to show your understanding. Keep track of their feelings and emotions. 

3. Inquiry: check your understanding, ask questions like, "I'm guessing you're feeling ____, am I getting that right?" or, "I want to understand your feelings, can you elaborate?" 

4. "I Feel" statements: statements like, "when (statement/event) I feel/felt (emotion) because (thought). I would like (wish/request)

5. Stroking: authentically and honestly admire and appreciate the individual you're communicating with.

Decision Making as a Unit

    When making decisions while married and with a family, it is best to include your spouse. With my personal beliefs, I believe it is best to include God as well. In most families there is one person whose decision with be dominant to the others based on topic or the period of life the family is in. Most families won't come to a unified conclusion, and individuals will act or make decisions without the counsel of either the spouse or the rest of the family. It's okay to come up with your own solution, but it is important to come back and counsel with your spouse to get their thoughts and opinions to make the best possible decision for the whole of the family. They might see things that you didn't consider before. Once you have counselled with your spouse and you come to a unified decision or plan, it is then important to take it to God and seek His will. When asking for the guidance and will of the Father, faith is required as well as a willingness to do and abide by the instruction and inspiration your receive. Even if the guidance He gives seems impossible, it is important to do as has been instructed and have the faith that He will provide and that all will be well. 

Steps for Success in a Counsel

    When talking about how to have a counsel, Brother Williams shared how the first presidency and quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints go about their counsel regarding the direction of the Lord's Church. The steps they take are as follows: 

1. in a dedicated place.

2. on a scheduled day of the week.

3. share your appreciation and love for each individual before the meeting begins

4.  invite the Lord at the beginning of the meeting.

5. ask the opinion of each individual involved and LISTEN. 

6. Invite the Lord again as you conclude with prayer. 

7. break bread together, share a treat.