Week 8

 This week's topic was on family stressors and crisis as well as depression and anxiety with some coping mechanisms. 

Stress and crisis

    A stressor is defined as an individual or individuals in a family being put under stress and bounce back. In talking about stress, Brother Williams used the analogy of astronauts and the loss of bone density that they experience while they are in space. The lack of stress on their body causes it to deteriorate irreversibly. Similarly, stress is necessary in families so they grow stronger rather than deteriorating. There is still a possibility of breaking apart however, the different ways people cope can affect the building or breaking process while under stress. When you ask married couples about the beginning of their marriage, they often speak fondly of the financial stress because it brought them together. Being under stress causes you to rely more on each other if you are managing it in a healthy way, as previously stated this will result in you and your spouse growing closer together. Brother Williams made a point that you should continue dating your spouse, even after marriage, even during these times of financial stress. Life gets busy, having that time to focus on each other is important and needed for the continued bonding of a couple. It doesn't need to be fancy and expensive, there is something sweet about just sharing a treat and some time. He also used the analogy of camping when describing stress as being fun in some instances because it causes individuals to work together in a shared difficult experience to make it better. In times of great trial, such as the world wars, times of sickness, etc. families that endured them together were found to be the most successful. 

Anxiety and Depression

    Anxiety is a trial that we all face, it is a natural, normal, and healthy response to danger. It is also an attempt to control things that are simply not in our control. It becomes harmful to an individual when overstimulated and paired with learned responses from various previous experiences and is becomes an almost constantly present feeling. Most of what we are anxious about is not so much physical as it is psychological. As hard as it is, the best way to overcome it is to purposefully do the things that cause us anxiety so that we can unlearn the response. When faced with stimuli to a trauma response, people will often space out and re-live the trauma. By purposefully facing it and staying present as you endure or think about it, that trauma response will become a memory over time. 

    Depression is also a response to danger, the difference from anxiety is the idea that you are in danger and there is no hope of escaping. The hopelessness brought on by depression is often accompanied by thoughts self deprecation, an individual will make comments including the word 'should.' Brother Williams shared an experience he had while learning Danish to serve his mission, that the word should is the same as those for 'scold' and 'shame'. When you admit you "should be..." doing something, acting a certain way, being a certain way, etc. you are shaming yourself, making it harder to find the courage and motivation to do very much of anything. Individuals then get stuck in a cycle of "I should be better" accompanied by the hopelessness of depression that makes it seem impossible to be what they feel they should be, which can in turn worsen the depression by seeming to prove yourself to be right. That there is no hope. 

A Change in Mindset

    As soon as you perceive something, your brain will treat those thoughts as if they are reality. If you perceive there is no hope, then there mustn't be. If you perceive you will fail, you will fail. If you are to overcome anxiety and conquer depression, there must be a change, not in chemicals or medication per say, but in mindset. In thought. As human beings we have God given agency to choose your cognition and your responses, you can learn over time to have control over these things. This comes from acknowledging your thoughts and feelings, be it towards a situation or to yourself, and to find the truth rather than just what you perceive. What we perceive, often in distressing circumstances, is not the truth. It is often an exaggerated caricature of an event that will place unreasonable blame on the perceiving individual, one that they will accept as truth until seeing otherwise. This false perception is what leads to depression, to anxiety, and to the hopelessness that follows. 

    At times it is good to speak to others and seek help, or even to give help to those that come to you. In these instances, we may be inclined to "cheerlead" or give overflowing compliments and validations, btu that isn't going to help. That is not to say that compliments should not be given, but someone with a mindset of self deprecation won't believe these things. They need to see the truth of the situation and the truth of themselves, sometimes they need help with that. They need to learn to believe the compliments they receive, that is a choice that will take some time to get used to, but will help overall. We're not just trying to come up with a positive thought, we are trying to bring forward the truth. This does not mean you are not allowed to be sad, it is good to acknowledge and have those feelings for a time, but you cannot let those negative thoughts overwhelm you and take the truth from you. 

    These mindsets don't just affect you once children come along. They are always watching and learning by your example. Your mindset will influence theirs, so make sure it is loving. Towards others, towards yourself, towards your spouse, and especially towards your children. Teach them the ways to find truth in sadness and in hardship, this will help them find joy and peace in their daily lives and in their families to come. 

Something More Personal

This self deprecation is common among Christians especially, as we discussed it I noticed it in myself as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. We are called to be humble, this however, is not a call to hate ourselves. Rather, we are called to love ourselves, to love others as we love ourselves, and to honor our divine creation. The adversary is the inspiration of those lies you think and feel, by seeking and embracing the truth of our loving Father and Savior you can overcome and those lies with truth. You can realize that the adversary does not need to stay, you realize that he has no place in you, and eventually you realize that there is hope and you are going to be okay.