Week 7

 This week's topic of discussion was intimacy and infidelity. 

Differences Between Men and Women

    Biological differences between men and women when it comes to intimacy are rather distinct. Men will reach a climax much faster than a woman will and will be unable to perform for a time afterwards whereas women take much longer and do not have a refractory period in which they cannot perform. The idea behind why the different genders want to be intimate differ as well, for example, a woman does not want to be intimate until she feels safe, warm, and close to her partner where a man wants to be intimate so he can feel safe, close, and intimate to his partner. A man's desire for intimacy usually has nothing to do with being sex-crazed, but rather a desire to be close and connect to his spouse.

    There are chemical differences between sexes as well. While both men and women will released dopamine and serotonin during intercourse, only women will release the bonding chemical oxytocin. This same chemical is used to bond with her children as they're born and nursing as well. This bond is good when having only one sexual partner, but can create issues if a woman has or has had multiple, it will make it much harder to bind with her husband later on.

    These differences may seem tedious and inconvenient at first glance, but I believe that these differences exist for a divine purpose. That being an opportunity to be selfless with and for your partner and to get to know them. This makes encountering sex with your partner something delicate, that should be opened and discussed carefully and with as much time as you both need. There is no reason to rush into this, and often it's better not to. Discuss likes and dislikes, things that are scary, and as you learn continue to discuss those things. This isn't a one and done conversation, it's one that continues as you both change and learn more about yourselves as well as each other.

Boundaries with Others

    Boundaries with those outside of your marriage (those being friends, family, work colleagues, etc.) are incredibly important. What issues come up between you two, be it with intimacy or otherwise, are best left between you two. Bringing others into it brings greater bias between not only your friends/family and your spouse but between you and your spouse as well. Even seeking marriage counseling privately (without your spouse) creates a bias because both sides of an issue are not expressed and understood. Sharing intimate topics with those outside or you and your spouse is a betrayal to your spouse. Bringing these issues up to others then brings them into the relationship where they should not at all be involved, after their inclusion it is very difficult to remove them from it. Emotionally relying on an individual outside of your spouse leads to another issue, that being infidelity. 

Infidelity 

    When the topic of infidelity comes up, most will know of sexual infidelity, there are other ways of being unfaithful to your spouse however. Emotional infidelity is often where it starts, that being the purposeful time spent with someone other than your spouse to express hardships within marriage as well as other issues over time. This creates a bond with someone other than your spouse that makes other intimate acts, starting with hugs and venturing into kisses and so on, seem acceptable because of the emotional bond with this other person. There is also financial infidelity, which starts from accounts being opened without the knowledge of one spouse, sometimes starting innocently, becoming a means to provide for someone other than your own spouse or family. Both of these things eventually lead to sexual infidelity, which is not just touching another person intimately but thinking of another person as such. There are more means of being unfaithful, but these are the most prominent.