Week 3

 The discussions this week focused on cultural diversity between and within families. 

Family Cultures:

    Culture was defined as beliefs, values, and traditions. These are passed on through examples given by a child's family as they grow and develop, especially those of the parents. It is up to those children to decide later in life what traditions they will bring into their own homes as they start their own families. One should be intentional about the traditions they choose to continue, in the scriptures we are advised not to continue foolish traditions, those being what is harmful to the family. In todays world with technology and social media being so prevalent, it is possible for children to build their personal culture off of what they see online. It's best that they aren't exposed to it until they are mature enough to decide for themselves what they like and don't like rather than basing themselves off worldly trends. 

    As each family has a culture, a child might find as they grow and see the world that they like parts of another culture. This would cause them to conduct themselves in a certain way that might not line up perfectly with the culture in their home. This can either result in acceptance by the family, positive feedback, or negative feedback. Most will find that their parents react negatively to change, which is I think is rather unfortunate. This leads into the relationships you keep being intentional as well as the traditions you keep. When you get married, it's not just the relationship between you and your spouse you need to worry about, though that is the most important one. It's important that the relationships outside of your spouse are healthy and beneficial to the wellbeing of your own family that you are building. 

    Economic status also plays a part in family culture, ranging from your family being biased towards someone of a  different status to money being a significant topic between spouses. In society today it's observed that people are putting off families for the sake of money, waiting until they are well set before even getting married, let alone having children. Especially being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, I am of the belief that starting a family should not be delayed for the sake of money. Have enough to provide, pay your tithing, and trust in the Lord. That isn't to say that it should be a rushed process, but it shouldn't be one to put off once you are capable of providing for yourself. The other issue that follows waiting involves a career and home, when you are older and more settled, you most likely already have a solid job and a good home. To get married would result in the possibility of giving up either one or both of those things, which could cause contention in the relationship one desires to pursue. It's hard to merge two lives that are already well established. 

    A successful marriage is not just going to fall into place. It is something that goes against nature in the sense that merging your life with another separate being will not come easily nor naturally. A truly good marriage and bond between you and your spouse isn't going to look normal to anyone outside of it. You have a unique bond, it is important to cleave unto and support one another, especially as those around you wish to share their opinions on your relationship. I've experienced some of these harsher opinions myself as I am recently engaged and my fiancé and I have a very different relationship than that of either of our parents. Mine are very open about their opinions on those differences, and at times it gets very hard to believe my own feelings and my own happiness in my relationship. As I discuss some of these things with him and attend this class, I find comfort in knowing that the relationship I have with my fiancé isn't going to be like my parent's relationship to each other. Husband and wife are meant to be one, this takes conscious work and effort as it isn't in human nature to submit wholly to another person. Your work and effort does not just stop because you are legally bound together, you need to be emotionally bound to each other as well. That does not mean you will be perfect, both parties will fall short often, and that will take a lot of forgiveness. A lot of effort to push through even when life gets hard. As you get through trials with your spouse, your children will see that bond and that effort. They will know that it is good to rely on their spouse when the time comes, and they will understand how in a way. We set the example for our children through our family culture at home, it is important to show the best example you can. 

Week 2

 This week in class we discussed family systems, the roles in the family, and how the relationship between husband and wife affected those roles and the overall family dynamic. 

Family Systems and Roles: 

    A family system refers to the role each member of the family plays in the family, those ranging from solid roles such as provider and nurturer, so more malleable ones, such as peace maker, or the joker of the family. These roles are subject to change, but more often than not once we are in them that's where we stay.  As for how these roles are established, it was discussed that individuals strived to fill a need they felt was being missed, a peacemaker for example will go to lengths to keep everyone in the home happy and calm, a jokester might do the same by relieving tension and bringing comedy to the mix, a provider sees the overall needs of the family (usually monetary) and strives to meet them, a nurturer sees the needs of individuals and the home and fulfils them to keep order. In lecture we discussed the case of an individual who as a child got into bigger areas of trouble because he noticed that there was less fighting in the home if the frustration was directed at him, so he kept getting into deep trouble so his family could get along. His role would be along the lines of a peacemaker despite his actions being harmful to himself. As we discussed roles, we were told to consider our own roles and why we ended up taking them. As I pondered this, I thought about the times I'd go home for off-tracks or holidays and what role I would be put back into. My role growing up and my expected role still is very much to sit quietly and do as I'm told, obedient and reliable if you will. This was fine as I grew up, I didn't know anything else and it kept anger and frustration from being direct ed at me on many occasions. As I have been on my own however, my confidence and independence has grown significantly from when I was a child, it makes going home and fitting into that role a lot harder. I'm still expected to be where I was at newly eighteen rather than the nineteen going on twenty year old I am now. I have opinions, I have boundaries, I have also found that those are not welcomed as behaviors they should expect from me because I was an "easy child" and wanted to be as little of a burden as possible. I think changes in roles are hard to accept because it means the dynamic shifts ever so slightly. Things are thrown off balance for a bit as people adjust, and that is uncomfortable. People don't usually want to have to readjust the way they feel comfortable treating someone, especially when you've treated and interacted with someone in one way for such a long time. I think this requires a lot of communication and understanding from both the changed party and those still well adjusted to the previous family system. A willingness to understand and readjust makes a big difference in how the family will feel during and after the change. 

The Relationship Between Husband and Wife: 

    As we discussed the role children would take in the home, along with it came the why. The need to fulfill what wasn't being met. Often times more problems came up or children felt a greater responsibility or role to take on when mom and dad were having troubles or weren't close. Brother Williams described the ideal family dynamic being that of a close mother and father with a relationship that is closer and separate from their children in which they are visibly warm and loving, allowing their children to see that all is well and prevent tension in and between all involved children. I thought it was odd at first that children should be outside the spousal relationship, but understood as the discussion continued that it didn't mean they had no relationship with mom and dad, but that it was just a separate relationship. It made more sense as Brother Williams described families in which one parent, usually the mother, was overly involved in their child's life. often this resulted in high anxiety in the child and one parent being pushed out of a relationship with the child. You can't forget your spouse when caring for your kids, mother and father and meant to be one unit working together to fulfil the needs of the family as a whole and for their children individually. You need to be mindful of how your children see the relationship between you and your spouse, it can make all the difference in the feelings and actions that occur in their lives. If there is a problem in the family, it is the family that is best suited to take care of it, once again that takes patience, communication, understanding, and love from all parties involved, the parents especially as children are learning and developing. 

Introductory: week 1

    This week's topic focused a lot on the study of family dynamics, specifically those of homosexual and intact biological families as well as the effect these dynamics had on child rearing. After looking over all the readings, it made a lot of sense as to why the means by which data is collected as well as what data is being collected is so important. If we looked at just the title of a study or the end result, such as the APA's statement that "children of gay marriages are at no disadvantage compared to heterosexual families," we would be inclined to believe it regardless of whether it's correct or not. In this case, as we looked and read further into the article individually and as a class it's easy to find that the statement is false. Many of the studies provided as evidence weren't tested against a control group, or an intact biological family, that being a family with a mother and father in a loving environment. The tests were either done without any control or against groups of single mothers, which are situations already shown to rear children at a disadvantage. The studies also neglected diversity in their test groups, be it of ethnicity or economic class, creating another inaccurate measure regardless of whether the test groups were put against a control group. What was being studied was also skewed, few to none of these studies actually looked at how the children turned out. Many looked at the parent's opinion on how they were raising their kids as well as psychologist perspectives on the children, but the children themselves were not taken into account. The studies were faulty and the data is skewed, yet the results have had a huge impact on politics and the law, which is a little scary that it wasn't looked into further prior to law being affected. 

    After the discussion on this first article about the APA, Brother Williams showed us more reliable data with greater and more diverse data. The results found that the most successful families in producing well reared adults were those on intact biological families, those being made up of a mother and father providing a healthy environment for children to learn and grow. While it was good to see more accurate data, it was also disheartening to see the faulty studies having so much more traction than more accurate data. During lecture, Brother Williams discussed the why behind these studies being supported despite the possibly harmful outcome, in the end it just came down to the fact that it's loud and popular and that's just where the world is going.

My personal opinions on the matter; 

    The opinions of the world can be very appealing to some, especially to those who bear the trials that come with feelings of homosexuality. We as human beings are meant to want love, a home, and a family, it's just how we're made. I can't imagine the struggle that individuals given this trial face, especially those of my own faith, but I don't think trying to change the family and push for situations where children will not be reared in a way that gives them the best chance of success is the way to go about helping anyone. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ, it is my belief that, "The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity," (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). I think the way our Creator intended the family unit will result in the best outcome for children, simply because it was designed by a perfect being who made each of us knows a whole lot more than we do.